Irony

The epitome of irony.

I like a guy.

He likes me.

We want to help each other. We want to get to know each other. We want to help make each other better.

There are some who think I may have ulterior motives-- or that I'll do more damage than good.

The best of intentions...

Maybe they're right.

Excuse you?

Find someone stronger than me emotionally.

I dare you.

Go ahead. You did all but beg me to leave you because you couldn't handle my anxiety.

So find someone who can handle your anxiety-free life.

And learn the definition of the word "love." You clearly don't know what it means.

Snowing in April

The pain came back this morning.

13 hours until the day is over.

I'm gonna make this day better.... I want to make this day better.

I miss him.

Break-ups suck.

CURRENTLY REMINDING MYSELF THAT I AM AWESOME AND I DON'T NEED A MAN.

ANXIETY

GAH.

I CHOOSE JESUS I CHOOSE JESUS I CHOOSE JESUS I CHOOSE JESUS!!!!

My anxiety is taking over.

NOOO. I WON'T LET IT I WON'T LET IT I WON'T LET IT! STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP!!!

Break-Ups Suck... But

Break-ups suck...

Period.

However, I am amazed at how quickly my heart is trying to put itself back together.  The first two days of mourning were very, very traumatic.  I won't lie.  The emotions of sadness and loss and loneliness were so intense I almost didn't think my body could take it.

I woke up this morning, four days later, I find myself hurting only a little.  At least... In comparison.  As a matter of fact, I'm able to be alone and happy better than ever.  Ever.  I feel fine.  I feel productive.  I feel feisty.

I woke up early this morning and washed allll the dishes (there were a LOT), I made my bed, I scrubbed my shower, sink, toilet and bathroom floor, cleaned the counter, finished a take-home test... I mean, let's face it.  I rocked today like no one's business.

I hurt.  But somehow, without me making a conscious decision to move on, my heart starts on that track anyway.  I feel like I should be curled up in a ball sobbing or lying in bed, un-showered, eating junk and watching romantic movies.  And that is not what I'm doing.

I feel fine.

And soon I'll feel great.

... Hope his feelings aren't too hurt if he decides he still wants me...

More Than Anything...

You know... More than anything I just want him to be happy.

But that doesn't keep me from wanting to message him when he gets online, or text him when I get off work.  Wanting him to be happy doesn't keep me from hurting.

I know that I can say this.  The more time goes on and the happier I see he is without me the more I can heal and pick up the pieces.  I just want him to find what he's looking for--what he truly wants.

And if it's not me, so be it.  I can live with that.

Because he matters more than anything.

The World Isn't Fair

The world isn't fair.  And that's the truth.  People say it all the time and we think, "... Well that sucks."  And we move on.  Until that unfairness hits us in the chest.

It is not fair that people who wake up in the morning with the sole goal and purpose of loving other people and attempting to make at least one person's day better... They cry the most.  They hurt the most.  They are alone the most.  They watch TV alone, they listen to music alone, they cry alone, they sleep alone.

They pour out everything they have.  Everything.  Until we need to take a few days to cry and regroup and remember who we are.  We are the angels of the world.

No one loves each other any more.  No one respects each other any more.  They lie and say they do and that things are great... Not everyone, just a lot of people.  I would say the majority of the world.  We are selfish by nature--that selfishness makes us cowards.  "It's all about me.  And because it's all about me, I'm afraid to let anyone in who might hurt me.  So I will push them all away."

We are the brave ones.  We love.  We don't let that facade get the way.  We don't let those walls people put up stop us from showing them that there is hope in this world.

I have something to say to the world.  To every man, woman and child.

YOU ARE LOVED.  You don't know me.  I don't know you.  But I love you anyway. 


I have come to terms with the fact that I will hurt for all my life because I invest my entire being into those I love.

At the end of the day... I don't want to feel like I need someone to love me back.  I want to have pride in the fact that I AM A LOVER.  I am CALLED to love.  That's who I am.  No one can change that.  No one will turn me from my purpose.

So now the hard part-- Be okay with myself.  Stop wanting to defenestrate the part of me that cares so much... I kick ass because I am the brave soul who chooses to love.

That's right.

I love.

Therefore I kick ass.

Hi :)

Whew boy have I been... Okay I was going to say busy, which is true, but also lazy in the times I haven't had anything to do. I have neglected my poor blog. I'm not sure who reads it.... But maybe someone finds it entertaining!

I have become super addicted to Pinterest. I love it. I have been searching the site for DIY apartment decorating ideas all evening! Poor Drew passed out about an hour ago. Pinterest doesn't quite capture his attention like it does mine :)

Easter is this weekend! Hooray! I love Easter. I love getting to go home and celebrate it with family. Growing up, my parents always made every holiday, even the small ones like Valentine's Day and St. Patrick's Day, something special. Hunting around the house, finding clues leading to more clues that eventually led to a great card or candy! This weekend I'd like to dye eggs and dress up all pretty-like for church and all that jazz. I love Easter. To me it's a time of togetherness.

I made a decision this morning to resume my "Good morning, I love you!" texts to friends. I mean, I know I'd like to wake up to a text message that let me know someone loves me and is thinking about me! And who knows--maybe I'll help someone start their day out right.

My brother was accepted to UNCW this week! CONGRATS LITTLE BRO! I'm so proud of him. He's brilliant-- I know he'll do great in college. However, I'm not looking forward to duking it out with Wilmington college girls to keep their hands off my little brother. LOL. JK I'm not that protective... (Keep an eye out ladies).

I'm totally getting ready to go back to Pinterest. Turn on some Netflix... Sip some coffee? Sounds like a winner to me.

Have a good night!