A Lot of Me

I don't like change.
I don't handle it well.
Not at all.

However, I seem to be constantly either putting myself through it or being forced to accept it. Or both.

No.

That doesn't sit well with me at all. As soon as I make one decision I'm faced with a million more! Why?!

Yeah, yeah. That's life and all that crap.

How about life throws me a SOFT ball once in a while instead of a billion hard ones all at the same time?! DOES THAT FREAKING WORK FOR ANYONE? HELLO?!
How about you people constantly throwing said balls at me just KNOCK IT OFF.

I'll Pry My Soul From Your Cold, Dead Fingers (...Metaphorically)

It's amazing how you can know that someone isn't good for you and yet... You still can't get them to release their damn grasp on your soul.

It's like they hold on just to mess with you.
Break-ups are the ultimate break-down: they make you question yourself, who you are, the relationship as a whole, the person you love as a whole... They make you see things differently.
But just because you see things differently and understand that it was wrong, doesn't make the hurt go away.

Either slowly or quickly, the searing pain turns into a dull ache.  I can function just fine, I can operate normally, I can appreciate the new person in my life... But YOU are still there.

And I don't want you to be.

You are still there. The image of you as you once were to me stands solid and immovable in my heart.

Get out.

GET. OUT.

You didn't want me in your heart and I sure don't want you putting up permanent residence in mine.

Knock down that statue of yourself. Give me back the soul I gave to you out of nothing but the purest of love. Give it back. Because that soul WILL change the world. I guarantee it. You missed out.

Because there is someone out there who wants it.  Who wants every part of me, the good and the bad, who won't lie to me and create false hopes of a fantasy future that will never happen.  He'll make it happen. I'll make it happen. He and I will make it happen together.


That is all I've ever wanted.

To create a beautiful life that touches the world with someone who loves just as much as I do.

Chinese Invasions & the Muslim Brotherhood Strikes Back

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2012/05/24/white-house-rebuts-romney-over-china-suggestion/

‎... So China is the one cheating because we exported out all of our jobs to them? I think someone has it backwards. If you don't like China practically owning us, you shouldn't have given them the leverage in the first place. You idiots.

3 Days

I go home to Japan in 3 days.  I can't wait!
I can't wait for the food, the culture, the skyline, the smell (did you know each country has a distinct smell?), the people...  Not to mention the great time with my family. :)

I want to go to CoCo's curry house and Cheese Roll Noodle every night that I'm home!  ...   Okay all but one night because I need my mommy to make my yakisoba lol. :)

I'm trying really hard not to think about the fact that this will be my last time in Japan for a while...  At least a few years.  I'm still hopeful that I might get a job teaching English or with a company translating sometime in the future; that just means that I really need to get on top of my Japanese language skills.   :P
They're definitely not where they should be.

I'm going to miss it so much.  Everything about it.
I'm going to miss my dog (she wouldn't make the trip back stateside-- she's not a puppy anymore ): )
I'll miss the smell in the air after the rain over the rice fields.
I'll miss the sweet people.
I'll miss everything about it.

But I'm not going to think about it! I want to enjoy my last 2.5 weeks in Japan.  I want to cherish every second of it. :)  It's my home.  My heart is there.  I should take nothing but joy from this trip.

I hate...

I hate knowing how I feel about you and still hurting over you.
I hate that you still pop up on my news feed.
I hate that texts from you still ruin my day.
I hate knowing that I could never ever trust you again.
I hate feeling like everything we had was a lie.
I hate feeling like you are a liar.
I hate not being over you.

I May be Bad...

But I'm perfectly good at it.

Rihanna puts it perfectly: "Sticks and stones may break my bones..."

The summer has started and I'm all moved in to my new place! Huzzah for apartments! Not for expensive ones... But I suppose for Boone, what I'm paying is alright.

I've got to be honest, this wasn't what I had planned for my summer. A month ago I had a whole other image in my mind completely.

I'm so glad I didn't get what I wanted.

Isn't it weird when you feel that way? When you look back and go, God, you are so good for not letting that happen.

God, you're so good for not letting that happen.

Someone Didn't Like It

You're right.
Criticizing the whole population of a state and "all heterosexuals" (even though I am hetero myself) is immature.

So I'll make sure to let you know that the last post I made was to:

• The hetero's who hate homosexuals and want to deny their fellow human beings CIVIL RIGHTS
• The North Carolinians who want to deny other human beings who the Constitution states ARE ALL CREATED EQUAL their rights as citizens of the United States

Guess what guys. Don't say shit if you're not gonna follow through. If you don't think we're created equal, then at least have the balls to freaking say so. Don't be fake. Stand up for what you believe in. 

Shame on You, North Carolina

You know... I don't remember becoming God. 
I don't remember you becoming God either. 
So what I want to know is... 


Who gives YOU the right to judge true love between two individuals? 
What gives YOU the right to pick and choose who others can and cannot love? 


Heterosexuals, get over yourselves. You are not the only humans capable of love.
Religious zealots, you're religious zealots--not God. Sorry to take you down a notch but you need to remember your place-- BELOW God. Not on the same level as him.

Debts, Douchebags & Coffee... Duh

I'm 21 years old and I have debt collectors calling me.

Well that's not good.

And it's all over a misunderstanding, or rather a mistake, on my part. After having a seizure in December I put my school address down in the information box instead of my parents' overseas address where they live (I'm still under their insurance).

So now I've got a stack of bills and I'm freaking out. Collector called? Yes. Douche? Yes. Waiting for the Medical Center to call me back. Need to call mom and dad when they wake up... Scared of them being mad and yelling? Of course.

And I'm failing two of my courses. One of them I might be able to get up before the end of the semester. The other one? Definitely not. The group project that's due Thursday? Dear God, help me!

I've just had so much coming at me this semester... Especially the last couple of weeks. I'd LOVE to be able to just deal with academics. Happening?? Nope.